Tucson Training Camp- Day 4 and 5

Welcome to the finale of "CJ's Desert Porno Training Camp!"

Coach Roger has definitely been trying to make us all cry, and you'd think that after a hard ride up Mt Lemmon we would be due for a light day. Hells-freakin-no!

the very next day, we loaded up his car with MORE BIKES THAN I'VE EVER SEEN ON ONE CAR (9). it was pretty pro.




Being as there were 12 of us and two cars, we decided to adopt the "when in Rome" philosophy and a few of us got shoved into the trunk of an SUV like a couple of illegals for the drive out. During the drive, i listened to music and though to myself "I though i would at least make it to 30 before being stuffed in the trunk of a car while listening to Phil Collins..."




We drove out to Benson and parked our cars at the Walmart. our ride had two destinations- one the way out we would go through Tombstone, and then ride out to Bisby, which was about 50 miles out from Benson, then back through Tombstone to Benson.



to get there, we traversed across some beautiful grassland. Everyone kept it steady, and we got some great volume in.




We briefly rolled into Tombstone on the way out to Brisby- as if we were a bunch of modern day cowboys (rendered only marginally gayer by substituting spandex for chaps). The town looks like you would picture it- an old-time cowboy town, with saloons, burlesque dancers, smoke shops, gun shops, and the whole shebang.





We stopped to talk to one of the paid actors- turns out he was in "Raising Arizona"- he was 85 and still acting- he said it was better than being stuck in a nursing home comparing what blood pressure medicine each person was on...




the ride from Tombston to bisby was chock full of false flats and a not-so-fun 4 mile climb in 90+ degree heat. The descent was a 50+mph divebomb down into town. you zoom by an old mineral mine, and swoop under an overpass to get to Bisby- a tiny little hippie town tucked in a valley. The town's full of potheads and artists, but in a charming way. we stopped by a cafe, and outside some musicians jammed along to Neil Young and Billy Joel Songs.




We stopped back into Tombstone on the way back to sip on some fine Sarsparilla and to snap more embarassing photos of cowboys and dudes in spandex. We walked in on the actors re-creating the O.K. Corral Gunfight, but left before all the PEW PEWing started.



the rest of the 98 mile march was chock full of headwinds. Everyone stuck together and churned through it. We also had to go through a border patrol checkpoint, who wanted to make sure we weren't smuggling any illegals in our bibs...




As the days have gone on, the sheer volume of the rides has started taking its toll on some of the riders- a couple of the guys have been experiencing acute tendonitis from all the riding. My ankle and its newly healed tendonitis has been holding up. Riding hard, back-to-back days like this really makes you appreciate how important proper recovery is. The combination of cold pool/sauna/and massage really helped a whole lot. maybe i should have a sauna installed in my apartment...




The last day of riding for me consisted of a local group ride known as the "Pistol" ride. We met up with a group of locals right next to the University of Arizona and followed them. eventually we were led to this little state park that had a beautiful 9 mile loop in it. since you had to pay to get in, there were barely any cars. The roads were beautifully paved, and with the exception of a minor 3/4 mi climb, the whole loop consisted of coaster-like-rollers and tight, swoopy turns. it was so much fun to ride because you could keep your momentum up when coming over the rollers and really hit the little turns perfectly. the only problem was the local wildlife- tons of Jackrabbits and jackalopes were hopping across the roads- i almost had to bunny hop one or two of them...

after a loop in the park we kept going, and traded off 25-30mph pulls until we hit about 60 mi. we then stopped at a gas station for a few mexican cokes before heading back home, finishing the ride at about 75 mi. If you're not familiar with mexican coke- its made with real sugar instead of corn syrup, and tastes so much better. they also still come in glass bottles, in case you get in a bar fight at the local Chuck-e-Cheese.



If you're wondering what I did for fun when i wasn't riding, don't wonder too hard- we were all too tired to do anything other than eat, sleep, and sit in the sauna. I did make one exception, however. I just LOVE reading high quality pieces of cycling-related journalism! especially when they have such good looking models...




Well, that concludes me three-part-tale of rubbing in the fact that i enjoyed a week full of awesome weather and riding- I'm sure that won't result in me getting put into the curb at the next park race...

If it's any consolation (and to exhibit the sense of humor karma has), I left my wallet on the plane while flying back, got a lovely little stomach bug, had my bike delivered to my teammate's address, and was greeted with 14 hrs/day of work since i've been back. It's so hard being this awesome!

On Thursday I'm packing up and heading to New Orleans with my teammate Tim Rogers to once again tackle the Rouge Roubaix. I went to training camp to build up for this race, and as long as my digestive system stops trying to recreate a German Porno in the toilet bowl, I'm hoping to kill it there. Next stop, crawfish and Roubaix!

Tucson Training Camp- Day 2 & 3

In an effort to futher piss everyone off, i will now continue my chronicle of Training camp in Tucson!

Day 2 of the Finkkraft Training camp quickly shifted from "recreational" to "no f#@king joke."



Yesterday's ride ended up being a 96 mile march across Tucson, Over Gate's pass, towards the mexican border, and back over Gate's Pass again. We've got a motley crew of twelve riders, including mark, the owner of westwood Velo, Troy Kimball, and a former soigneur of the Navigators pro team- Erik Carlson.




the group is mostly made up of cat 3's and 4's, and everyone is able to stick together in a group for most of the ride. Of course, the minute a real hill hits it breaks apart, but the climbs here are usually longer ones, and everyone waits at the top to regroup. another way for me to say this is everyone waits for ME at the top of hills.

this huge increase in volume has definitely been a shock to the system. 5 hrs in the saddle daily is just what i need, and it feels great to do it in great weather. the combination of miserable winter training and stress at work had definitely started to take it's toll on me, and I'm so happy i was able to get away.

In taint-related news, my "dingleberry wonderland" (thanks schmalz) has been holding up well, thanks to the gobs and gobs of Sportique i've been spackling on there.

Today's ride was shorter but harder. We rode straight up Mount Lemmon, which is a laughably long climb. just for some context, the longest climb this chubby sprinter had ever done was probably at Green mountain. I wasn't able to fully grasp what it means to climb for 30 straight miles. it means you're climbing for about 3 hours. frankly, i'd rather compete in naked ice luge-ing.

that being said, it was probably the best workout i've gotten in a while. it just NEVER ends. every time you make a turn, you hope that the climb is somehow magically over. but lo and behold, just look up, and there's the road you need to get to. the climb takes you up to almost 9,000 feet, and at about 7,000 feet you're above the snowline. just two hours ago you you were riding in 90 degree weather and now you're in a winter wonderland. I couldve make a perverted snowman if i wanted to!

The views are unreal from the top of the mountain. the slopes of the mountain are uncomfortably steep, and the carcasses of previous car crashes can be seen down below in ravines.



Naturally, the group splintered at the beginning, with me near the back at the beginning of the cllimb. I had no problem with that- i wanted to keep my heart rate around the upper tempo/lower sub threshold zone, and had no desire to make my heart explode by trying to keep up with Roger & Co. our mini group kept it steady for most of the ride, and once we got a botle refill about halfway up, i started to feel a little better. Once your body settles down into rhythm, the climb isn't that bad. the distance of the climb is daunting, and your mind starts to play tricks on you, but I've never been so happy or satisfied with finishing a climb like that.



the reward for the 3 hour long climb is supposed to be two-fold. Apparently there's a GREAT pie shop at the top of the mountain. much to our chagrin, they're only open form Fri-sun. we settled for some fantastic Fudge instead. the other reward is the longest descent I've ever had the pleasure of zooming down.



Due to my cannonball-like physiology, i love going down hills. The way down the mountain is full of swoopy turns and incredible vistas. the road surface was fantastic the whole way down, so most of the 45 minute long descent was in the 40 mph range. its a buttload of fun to go that fast for that long, but after a while your arms and neck start to hurt from being in a tuck for so long. We did stop to take some group photos and also point out some geological formations.



a few of us hit the downhill as hard as we could- three of us were trading pulls at 40-45 mph for the last 10 miles. we all met at the bottom of the mountain and limped back home.

Erik, who was the soigneur for the Navigator's team, has been offfering his massage services after rides. I've taken him up on it for the last two days, and i can telll you that he's got magic hands. he's a master of Myofascial release.

Equipment:

the folks at Finkraft have given us the opportunity to try out some new equipment while we're here at camp. yesterday i had the chance to try out the new Uvex FP1 Helmet. it's the same one that the folks on Team Highroad are using:



i love this helmet. its super light, has great venting, fits well, and doens't create any pressure points on your head. I think a helmet is at its best when you can barely tell that you're wearing one. I almost forget that i had it on a few times yesterday. i give this helmet 4/5 bacon strips.





Tomorrow We're riding out to Tombstone, about a 100 mi ride. hopefully we'll see some cowboys and some PEW PEW gunfights!

Tucson Training camp- Day 1

After two hours of sleep and 6 hours of flying, Shaw and I made it to Tucson. We flew to Tucson through phoenix, had the last bit of junk food we would have for a long time, (burger king at 11:30 am- why not?), and were greeted by Coach Roger at the airport.





Tucson is beautiful. 80 and sunny, and not a spec of rain cloud anywhere in sight. Countless Cacti stand erect all over the countryside, like huge desert boners (ha). and to think, at 6 am this morning I was shivering my nuts off in 29 degree weather. the miserable Northest winter almost erase any memories you had of being warm and happy!

As we drive to the house, I can see Mt. Lemmon in the distance. my chubby ass would soon become very, very acquainted with its 9,000 feet of elevation gain in 30 miles. That's what I'm here for, right? I'm predicting alot of crying, and maybe a few mid-ride tantrums for good measure (remember, I'm now a celebrity and can get away with psychotic, self absorbed behavior!






The house is exactly what i expected: a huge, ostentateous porn palace! this house is huge- overlooking Mt. Lemmon and is festooned with shag carpeting throughout the house. I wonder if i've seen this house in one of the many artistic films i've been known to watch . it'll be our hilarious base of operations for the next week. Roger and his staff have worked tirelessly to make this experience fun, and we're also getting tons of schwag to try out from their potential sponsors. I'll be trying out some new Swiss nutrition supplements, and i'll be reviewing them in a few days. Also, the folks at Honest Tea are so awesome that they've delivered us about 10 cases of refreshing ice teas and thirst quenchers. I'm a big fan of their stuff, and everyone here has already been chugging it down and enjoying it.






Once we put our bikes together, Shaw and i got a quick 2 hr spin in. we rode to the foothills of Mt Lemmon and went about 5 miles up it. It's a super long climb for sure, but its a steady one. i can see how you can find a rhythm to a climb like that and just pedal away for hours. I'm sure i'll have a different opinion on it after we climb all 30 miles of it tomorrow. More to come.

Bring on the pain

In five hours i'll be on a plane to Tucson for 5 days of getting my ass kicked by my Finnish Coach. We're supposed to run into some pro's while we're there (as if me climbing up Mt Lemmon on my own wasn't hilarious enough). The bike's been shipped, and I, as per usual, overpacked like a girl. I'm looking forward to getting out of 25 degree weather and the everyday work grind, and hope to come out of this slightly less fat, slightly more fit, and very much in a better mindset. To the Desert!

O' Bacon, Where art thou?

One of my new year's resolutions was to make sure I blog more- you'd think i wouldn't have a problem talking about myself for hours on end (ask any of my friends). But considering that my first blog of 2009 comes to you in mid February speaks volumes about how good i am at keeping resolutions...

I hadn't really taken the time to reflect on the end of 2008. To say the least, it was a blast. Somehow we banded together and put on an awesome race that made NYCX'ers proud. not even DFLing and getting hypothermia could quell the awesome time i had putting that race on.

And here we are, firmly entrenched in 2009. I have to admit, I'm pumped. We put together an awesome new team full of awesome guys that know how to race well and have fun, We're training with a dreamy Finnish coach who happens to be this year's National Masters CX Champ, our kits are fabulous, and there's tons of awesome races to get ready for!

I've also been dealing with the double-sided sword that is fame. ever since i was featured on the back page of a certain cycling publication this month...



Don't worry- being a fat kid in grammar school more than prepared my for the amount of anonymous hate and mockery this photo is going to get me. And while you people may THINK its fun to get accosted by attractive females every time i leave the G-damn house, it actually gets kind of old... wait, no it doesn't...


Now i know what you're dying to ask: How is the most famous mediocre cat 4 in the country going to train for a grueling season of "holja line" park races as well as hilly out of town races that he'll probably get dropped on?

Aside from a few rocky-style training montages, I've been hitting the trainer and the gym quite a bit when it's been below freezing. as riding the trainer is a miserable, lonely affair, I've been inviting friends over for "trainer dates," also known as "indoor trainer gang bangs." Everyone's favorite cat 3 sandbagger Colin Prensky joined me a few times, which i guess mean's we're going steady (he likes to spoon afterward)



Also, after suffering through 10 months of a baconless existence last year, I've decided that i will ESPECIALLY eat bacon this year! i just found out that bacon has Omega 6's in it- those are twice as good as omega 3's right?! they should invent more things that are delicious AND good for you.



The next few weeks are going to be full of training, and my first big race, the Rouge Roubaix, is only 21 days away. I did this 100 mile bastard of a race last year. Think Battenkill x 2, with rougher roads and shorter, steeper climbs, and then put the entire thing on in the middle of deliverance country in Louisiana and Mississippi. you get the idea. It's an insanely epic race that's laughably early in the season. It's also one of the best races I've competed in. Last year i came in 20th, including a flat tire and a pee break (i have the bladder of a 4 year old). This year, I'm racing with a vengeance. Roubaix tires have been purchased, and I have no qualms about going boom-boom or wee-wee in my bibs this time (bike shorts are pretty much just spandex diapers anyway, right?)




in order to get ready for the upcoming season, and to get out of the city, I'm flying out to Tucson, AZ to take part in our coach's training camp. i'll be out there riding for 5 days, up and down Mount Lemmon, crying and whining about how much i hate hills. hopefully this will transform my racing form from mediocre to a little better than mediocre. we're staying in a huge mansion in Tucson that Roger rented, complete with pool, hot tub, and sauna. Bonus- Apparently this house has also been used to film some movies that I've probably already seen on redtube, so you know it's got character! I'm just going to have to check the room with a blacklight before i go to sleep...



Tomorrow morning I'm celebrating president's day by making my way to Westwood Velo at the buttcrack of dawn to have a fitting session and Lactate Balance point test with Roger. Then it'll be TOC time. Just you wait and see- Big George is going to win a stage this week, and then dedicate it to me, his biggest fanboy (stalker).

photo by Ken Conley- kwc.org