The Perfect CXtorm

I'm hangin' out in the motel room with Marco right now- after a long, muddy, awesome Day 1 at the Gloucester Gran Prix. We loaded up the Toga! Van yesterday afternoon and headed up to MA. So far the race has been the complete opposite of last year. 2208 was a sunny, gorgeous day with nice, dry conditions. Today was a muddy slopfest that would bring a tear to any Belgian's eye. Being the smartypants that i am, I had forgotten my rain jacket at home. We all ended up going to a fisherman's store where i bought a rainsuit that made me look like the Gordon's Fisherman...

Racing as a cat 3 at Gloucester is an interesting experience; 120+ people were registered, and callups to the front line are by order of registration. Needless to say, pre-reg is a furiously fast endeavor for those who take the race seriously. most of the field fills up in the first 20 minutes. I was a bit lackadaisical in signing up (by 2 hours) and ended up in the 94th spot...




That automatically removes the pressure of the race. You're out to beat your friends and humiliate them by passing then in the mud and on the straight sections. I'm very happy for all of my friends who managed to do that to me. PS-guys, go f*ck yourselves!

Photos by Marco Quezada

The weather for the day was in the 50's and raining. i made sure to bring all of my embrocations, and ended up going with mad alchemy, and tons of it. That stuff is orange, and putting it on makes you look like you just got out of the fake'n'bake booth. that being said, its delightfully greasy and warm, and water beads right off of it. hoooray for spicy grease!

Photos by Marco Quezada

We got to watch the Masters 35+ Men's race right before ours. Watching Roger, Johnny Bold, and the Gotham Guys duke it out on the muddy battlefield is a fun sight. Here's a most excellent shot of a midair collision between Chris Long and some farthead who doesn't know how to handle his bike:

Photos by Marco Quezada

As i lined up in the 20th row back, i knew what to expect; all 125 of us were going to hit the first half of the lap together, including the horrifically steep and muddy run-up. those who had shoes without toespikes were going to hate themselves. This has been my first season running tubulars and i couldn't have been happier with that. i rocked some challenge grifo's with about 35 psi for this race and they were pretty dialed-in. I think i'm going to switch to a Challenge Fango in the back though, as the rear tubular is a bit old and i could always use more traction on the backside...

It's days like today that i love my team's white kits: nothing says "euro," "i'm and idiot," or "i have a great cleaning lady" like wearing a bright white kit o the muddiest of days.

Photos by Marco Quezada

So it goes without saying- the slop was thick, but mostly rideable. I went back and forth trading blows with my friends and crossresults.net nemesises. for ONCE i didn't wipe out! I would also love to take this moment to state that putting those barriers on an uphill incline is a total pain in the ass for those of us who have short hobbit legs.

These muddy races completely sap your energy around the half-way mark; especially when you don't have a clean pit bike to hop on. the mud accumulates and bogs you down (as if i needed to be any heavier)- your back tire frequently slips out when pedaling up inclines, and you're forced to trudge up muddy rises that would otherwise be a piece of cake. Every muscle in your body hurts. you start to lose your finesse as your arms and lower back get fatigued from all the pounding (save your jokes). Somehow, though, it's still some of the most fun you'll have on a bike...

I got pulled a lap early but wasn't lapped- I spent the next few minutes wandering around like an out-of-breath hobo before heading off to get hosed off like the muddy swine the i resemble.



after getting cleaned up and donning the rain gear, i made a b-line to the beer tent. My purpose was two-fold: drink awesome beer and contribute to CX Magazine's live coverage of the Elite Men's race. I was twitterin' so hard i think Lance may have noticed. If you didn't follow the coverage, all you have to know is that Jonathan Page tore everyone a new poopyhole (Lolz). The Kona Mafia (Trebon, Wicks) weren't Present, so Jamie Driscoll, Tim Johnson, and Chris Jones were the only guys even remotely close to him. By remotely close, i mean 1:30 back...

It was also great too see our very own Andrew Crooks hold his own in the elite race. I really think this race benefitted his MTB background- awesome job Andrew! And it goes without saying, but Thanks to Marco for all the awesome shots!



Time for sleep. Day 2 tomorrow! and before you go, here's a photo of Jason Parkin mounting his bike as if it were some crazy-assed sex toy (DAYUM!)

'Cross Time- gloucester Recap

photo by Ocean Li

I've come to a conclusion about the reasons I like to race . Sure, it's easy to say that its for the love of the bike, the feeling of competition, improving yourself, yada yada. That's all fine and good, but really- the main reason we all bike race is simple: so that you have a new facebook profile picture.

photo by Ocean Li

Ok, so maybe that doesn't apply to the master's 45+ crowd, but for almost everyone else, it's not a race to the finish, it's a race to the photographer! How many of you get to the front every time you're about to pass Andy Shen/ Marco/ any other photographer? That's what I thought.

For 'cross, there's two other reasons we race:

1. an excuse to go to a diner after a race:

1. an excuse to drink beer

I love how riding for 40 minutes justifies eating 2500 calories worth of Pastrami Reubens and Ommegang. Somehow, I end up gaining weight after a long 'cross race weekend. I wonder why...

If any weekend was a shining example of that, it was the weekend I just spent at Gloucester last weekend- two days of racing cross in a beautiful new england town, coupled with two days of chugging clam chowder and Belgian beer along with inhaling lobster rolls.

I'm not one for playing into stereotypes, but I know i'm not the only one in nyc that bike races and works in finance. After past two week's festivities, I was more than happy to get the hell out of dodge for a long weekend. Turn those machines back on!

The drive up was pretty brutal- we left at 6:30 on friday and got in at 2AM. The race was at 9. My current strategy of doing C races until I win is getting a bit old. I think it's time to upgrade to cat 3 in cross just so I can get up later and do the B races (Generally, the order of races is predicated in talent order- worst to best- or something like that). Of course, if I was nearly as good at the art of bagging sand as Colin Prensky is, I wouldn't be having this problem...

Saturday's course was a wide, sweeping course. Very fast and full of long straight sections. The turns weren't too technical, there was no run up, and the only spots you had to dismount were a twisty sand pit and a set of barriers. I was hoping for crappy weather to provide some messy racing, but the weather turned out to be beautiiful. It was the perfect temperature when we went off, but the temps rose significantly throughout the day, turning the dewey course into a dustbowl. The beer tent was strategically placed by the barriers, and you could easily see most of the course from the main area. I think the promoters did a great job at organizing this race. That being said, I praise any promoter that puts a beer tent up.

Boiko and I got to the course with tiime to spare, and we got a few warm up laps in. this race was going to be all about picking smooth lines and powering through the straight sections. Not quite my course of choice, but I was pumped to try it out.

We thought we'd be smart and try to secure a decent spot at staging about a half-hour before the race. There were over 100 people signed up for the C race, and As we all know, a good starting position is one of the most important parts of 'cross racing. We stood there along for about 10 minutes, with a smug sense of satisfaction, thinking we were soooo smart for getting to staging super early so that we would get a good spot. Unfortunately, a man eventually came up to us and informed us that starting order was determined by the order in which you registered. Good for you, bike-reg geeks...

Boiko and I ended up being in the 7^th row, or about 70 spots back. It was going to be one of those pack fodder sort of days! When your'e relegated to that fact, all you can do is concentrate on picking people off once by one once the race strings out. Everyone's riding as hard as they can, and all the while you're hoping for two things

1. that you dont get passed due to taking a bad line, get a mechanical, or wiping out.

2. That the guy in front of you Does have one of those things happen to him.

I'm half kidding. However, it's so easy to be a victim of circumstance that you're more mindful of all of the bad stuff that can happen. You're subjecting your equipment and your body to higher stresses and impacts that one is normally used to In a road race. I for one know that my equipment gets wailed on like Tina turner after Ike's had a few too many...

this race had a long, uphill sprint to the hole shot, and it was a much longer sprint than the last few races. It allowed for me to take a few spots, but I was also aware that it was going to be the part of the course that added insult to injury. The start was just like a cat 4 prospect park field sprint, except no one crashed and nobody told me to "holja line." I always try and hit the first lap pretty agressively, and then try and find a rhythm once everyone's strung out. Aside from one tiny wipeout, I didn't embarrass myself too much. Gloucester most resembles Belgian 'cross races from what i've seen on youtube- the crowd is going nuts by the barriers, and the beer is flowing. It's funny how time slows down in the 'cross race- every time I do it, it's the longest 40 minutes of my life...

I could hear fellow NYCX'ers cheering me on and screaming at me and my friends, and that's part of what made the race so fun. I finished the race about 20 spots ahead from where I started, so I was satisfied with the race. On to the beer!

I;m a big fan of beer tent antics. What better place to drink some great local beer, abuse a cowbell, throw beer at your friends that are racing, and be a bit obnoxious?

I've determined that flinging beer at your friends while they race is one of the only ways you can do it without getting beaten up- I guess it's big in Belgium and Portland ,so it's cool to do here. Sure, it may have been a waste of Ommegang, but I wanted to be authentic. Every time Prensky, Slokar, or Jed came around in the B race, they got beer flung at their persons until I ran out. Once I ran out of beer, I resorted to clumps of dirt and grass. I felt like an irate monkey. Douchey? A bit. Funny? Yes!

I'll be the first to admit i'm not a fan of american spectator sports. As it stands, I'm a bit of a pariah in my office because I don't do fantasy sports, think baseball is boring and that most of those atheletes are overpaid, not in great shape, and probably doping (oh snap, I went there!) same goes for football- but hey, it's all about preference. That being said, I think 'cross races are some of the most entertaining sporting events to watch. You can see all the action, it's nonstop from start to finish, the crowd is right there screaming in the faces of the athletes, and everyone's drinking beer. It's like going to spectate at the Tour de France- except instead of having the peloton pass you in just once instant- you have an hour of riders passing you, hopping barriers, and riding the pain train. There's a bit of a NASCAR aspect to it when you're by the barriers,, except the beer's better and the mullets are more euro. The minute somone wipes out on the barriers, the crowd goes nuts. People fling beer, throw money, shout, and ring cowbells. Christopher Walken would be proud.

As for the pro race, it was a ton of fun to watch. I won't go into detail, as velonews probably already did and i'm just plain lazy. Needless to say, Ryan Trebon did his customary "rip the legs off of everyone in the last lap" strategy. seems to work for him. for the record, his legs are longer than my whole body. Kind of like this:

Day two at Gloucester was much of the same, but the course was much more fun. a few turns had been changed, and a decently steep run-up have been incorporated. Hitting the run up with the entire cat 4 field on the first lap was like a stampede. I almost got taken out when someone in front of me couldn't remount his bicycle. The addition of the run up made the course a little harder, and broke up the long, flat parts of the course. I'm a big fan of run ups, even though i kind of suck at them- the steeper, the better. word to the wise, always keep toe spikes in your mtb shoes- you'll thank me later.

I managed to stay upright on day two, and felt good about how i had raced- i moved ahead about 30 spots form where i started- still middle of the pack, but the course and the crowd made it a ton of fun. I would say that Gloucester is probably the most picturesque 'cross course out there.

Even though i managed to stay upright for the race, I ended up falling on top of Adam Duncan in the parking lot after the race. What a pro.

My buddy Bill the paparazzo was there to document a ton of the race- it's dangerous having a friend show up with a good camera. It sometimes leads to bouts of unfathomable Narcissism...

Short of what happened to me in the bathroom at the George Michael Concert, I'd say this is the most homoerotic thing i've ever done. not that there's anything wrong with that... As for Colin Presnky, well, I can't speak on his behalf.

Aside from the Playgirl photo shoot, the rest of the day was spent drinking beer, eating some fantastic loster rolls, and cheering on the Higher cat races. Another weekend of fun. Another weekend of pain. Another weekend of cowbell , friends, and regrettable photos of me in a skinsuit. does it get any better?