Moab: Day 2- Martian Roller Coaster

Before I left for my trip, my friend David had recommended that I read “Desert Solitaire” by Edward Abbey.  I’m about halfway through it and can strongly suggest it to my literate friends.  Edward Abbey was one of the founding fathers of environmentalism.  In the book, he recounts his time spent as a Park Ranger in Arches National Park in Moab.  He spent 3 seasons there taking in the varied and natural beauty of this ridiculous place.
  

  
Event though its right in the Desert,  I’ve seen what Abbey is talking about.  The terrain and life is rugged and dramatic.  It’s a stark contrast from the manufactured, manicured, and frenzied beauty of NYC.

On day 1 we were met with beautiful desert singletrack and some stunning geological formations.  Today was completely different.  Even though we were maybe 10 miles away from where we rode yesterday, we might as well have been on a different planet.
  


More specifically, Mars.
Today we rode the slickrock trail,   which is known for its, well, slickrock.   I was pumped as hell to give it a try.  The slickrock landscape looks like something the Mars rover must have set eyes upon while on its death march.   Swooping, rolling dunes of solid rock litter the landscape.  The only giveaway that you’re on earth is the beautiful desert life that’s peppered across the land.  



Our guide today was Heidi.   Heidi’s an avid athlete who’s keeps busy by kickin’ ass at trail running when she’s not taking fat, spoiled New York cyclists out for pity rides.   Needless to say, Heidi put us through our paces for the next 4 hours of Mars rovin’.




So how does it ride??   Like a Martian rollercoaster.


 

Riding slickrock is quite a departure from the singletrack that you’re probably used to.   The biggest difference is grip.  It’s Grippy.  Super grippy.  Grippier than my hands are around a Bacon cheeseburger.   While the name “slickrock” may  seem to imply differently,  it earned its name because it is quite slippery when we’re talking about horses and cows.  Horseshoes and slickrock= bovines sliding around like your mother in a Jell-O wrestling match.




So what does that mean?  It means you can ride slick rock at ridiculous angles- up, down, sideways, off-camber, and probably upside-down.  You can ride straight across a 50-degree off-camber that would make a cx-racer weep.  




The Best part of slickrock is the swoopy stuff.  You come to the crest of a slope,   fly down 50 feet and slam right up the incline of the next.    You’ve gotta have the granny gear on hand to get up these inclines.   each of those climbs is a 20-30 second V02MAX effort that forces you to sit so far forward that  you’re practically straddling the steerer tube like a stripper pole and spinning your legs around in your 32X22 (the 32 is in the rear, roadies).  I may have earned a new nickname due to my overzealous spinning while going up these things…
 


Each of these aggressive efforts is like a little interval that you end up repeating about 30-50 times.   We have essentially signed up for a week a daily 4-hour long anaerobic interval workouts.  Coach roger would be so proud…



Understandably,  some of those rises were too steep for us and we ended up dumping out a few times and walking.  This leads me to a very important tip for all of you northeasterners coming to ride slick rock up here:  TAKE OUT YOUR TOE SPIKES BEFORE YOU EVEN THINK OF RIDING SLICKROCK.  Sure,  toe spikes are great when you’re knee-deep in mud at Granogue or tap-dancing on a street corner, but on a steep slickrock incline they are about as useful as a Bacon AT-AT in a synagogue.


 

Around the midpoint of the ride we came across a bit of a playground-  it was akin to the empty pools skateboarders do tricks in,  but naturally formed.  it was a blast to swoop in and out and take some banked turns.   Naturally this was the perfect time for a far superior rider named Kyle to show up and demonstrate how terrible we actually are…




The whole slickrock trail is situated high above Moab.  Depending on where you were you could overlook the whole town  or the mighty Colorado River.   What better place to sit down and enjoy the view then on the edge of a sheer 1000 ft cliff face.





I can say without hesitation that romping around on this Martian terrain was one of the best bike experiences I’ve had in my life.  Who knows what planet we’ll end up on tomorrow?

Shake and Bake

Here we are, boys and girls- It's already mid August, and the road season is almost over. This year's season ran a bit long in the tooth and by July I felt about as burnt out as a stoner at Burning Man... I guess going full-bore starting with training camp in Feb until now takes its toll (and i don't think I'm the only one...) The ennui of late summer bike racing was taking its toll, but now three things have happened that have set the fire in my loins once again:

1. Cyclocross season's around the corner!!!! If I have any hope of finishing in the middle of the pack as a newly minted cat 3 in CX, I better start training more...
2. The team has been absolutely kicking ASS lately. 2 wins in the park by Zak, Alvin winning Tokeneke (and finally getting his cat 3 upgrade), and the little stunt Zak and I pulled at Lou Maltese (more on that below)
3. For some god-forsaken reason, I'm pre-reg'ed to do the Green Mountain Stage race. After last year's spectacle* you think i would have learned my lesson, but no.

So in order to not embarrass myself too much at GMSR or in the 09 CX season, I've ramped up my training again. I know, coach roger must be so proud. It's easy to let yourself go for a few weeks after racing pretty much nonstop since march, but I've toned down my normal diet (not really) and started putting some real miles in again.

So onto Last Sunday:

I'd never actually raced Lou Maltese before, but it's widely known as the Ultimate-mega-Excitable-cat-4-world-championships. Needless to say, this race was in our sights. The race started out in a similar fashion to CRCA races, with the addition of some non-CRCA jokers from Bklyn and Queens (Kissena, etc). It was pretty much guaranteed that it was going to be a sprint finish, what with the entire excitable cat 4's in the bunch. There were numerous half-assed attempts at breaks, but the field never let anything stick for more than 1/3rd of a lap. I played my usual be-lazy-and-don’t-do-any-work,-you-fat-sprinter card. The rest of our team did a few leg openers, with Zak, Beckerman, Tim, and Chad attacking a few times. Nothing special. The non-sprinters did a good job of helping to rein in whatever did go.

Coming into the last lap, Reggie and Zak stuck near the front. I waited till the west side/tavern to get into position- looking for my leadout of destiny- AKA TIM ROGERS.

Tim's surgical precision in the leadout is remarkable- he’s steady, finds great lines, and guides you to victory with perfect timing. I stuck onto Tim’s wheel like Britney Spears at an all-you-can-eat-buffet. Zak was on my wheel, waiting to do his thing. I had been anticipating giant leadout trains from Setanta and NYVelocity, but nothing came around. I kept an eye on "Union" Steve Marmo, who I had been talking sh!t to all week. I was praying he wouldn't whip out a tire iron and take a swipe at me mid sprint (kidding!)- he's been racing strong and i made sure i knew where he was. With 1 or 2 K to go, Beckerman goes off on a flyer. The field freaks out, knowing he's a TT monster, and the whole pack sped up and got strung out trying to chase him. I think this was extremely beneficial to our finish, as we had a great position when it got strung out.

As we got to the boathouse, Tim was chugging along. The Sprinter on Organic tried to go early and we followed. Tim rammed us about 1/3rd of the way up

Cats paw and then Zak and I went. Zak came around me and I started to sprint. Our timing was perfect and no one was getting around us. It's a great feeling when you know you're golden before you cross the line- it’s almost surreal; it goes in slow motion. I vaguely remember hearing Steve curse my name.

The minute we crossed the line 1-and-2, we did a Guido Fistpump and screamed in victory. We showed up to the Cat 4 World series and dominated on our home turf. Everyone played their part- we won because everyone raced well and for the team. Reggie, Chad, Tim, Zak- I'm so glad that we get to race together! my "oh" face even made an appearance:

This month has by far been the best month for the team so far. We're finally coming into our own, and done with the growing pains of a new team. Everyone’s racing their strengths, and we're taking advantage of those strengths with our solid, selfless teamwork. I'm so proud of our guys!

I didn't remember this right away, but before the race i had called that we would finish 1st and 2nd. As Andy Shen was photographing that day, and apparently I made sure to remind him of my prediction mid-race:

If you think that's a shocker symbol I'm throwing up, well then you don't know me very well. I'm a polite, meek person who isn't fond of the spotlight at all. I'm also 6 feet tall and have a full head of hair. Ladies?

This latest result puts me within earshot of a cat 3 upgrade. No, really- stop laughing. that wasn't supposed to be a joke!

Note- due to the lack of an actual "podium" for the podium shot, it looks like I came in 3rd if you go by height order. next time I'll wear risers in my Sidis.

*Last year's GMSR incident involved a hilarious road race stage, where i took a wrong turn, did 15 extra miles, bonked, got severe GI distress and had to poop my brains out at a pizzeria at 11:30 AM right before hitting the final climb. I proceeded to get passed by Evie Stevens, who had probably started about 1 hr after me.

O' Bacon, Where art thou?

One of my new year's resolutions was to make sure I blog more- you'd think i wouldn't have a problem talking about myself for hours on end (ask any of my friends). But considering that my first blog of 2009 comes to you in mid February speaks volumes about how good i am at keeping resolutions...

I hadn't really taken the time to reflect on the end of 2008. To say the least, it was a blast. Somehow we banded together and put on an awesome race that made NYCX'ers proud. not even DFLing and getting hypothermia could quell the awesome time i had putting that race on.

And here we are, firmly entrenched in 2009. I have to admit, I'm pumped. We put together an awesome new team full of awesome guys that know how to race well and have fun, We're training with a dreamy Finnish coach who happens to be this year's National Masters CX Champ, our kits are fabulous, and there's tons of awesome races to get ready for!

I've also been dealing with the double-sided sword that is fame. ever since i was featured on the back page of a certain cycling publication this month...



Don't worry- being a fat kid in grammar school more than prepared my for the amount of anonymous hate and mockery this photo is going to get me. And while you people may THINK its fun to get accosted by attractive females every time i leave the G-damn house, it actually gets kind of old... wait, no it doesn't...


Now i know what you're dying to ask: How is the most famous mediocre cat 4 in the country going to train for a grueling season of "holja line" park races as well as hilly out of town races that he'll probably get dropped on?

Aside from a few rocky-style training montages, I've been hitting the trainer and the gym quite a bit when it's been below freezing. as riding the trainer is a miserable, lonely affair, I've been inviting friends over for "trainer dates," also known as "indoor trainer gang bangs." Everyone's favorite cat 3 sandbagger Colin Prensky joined me a few times, which i guess mean's we're going steady (he likes to spoon afterward)



Also, after suffering through 10 months of a baconless existence last year, I've decided that i will ESPECIALLY eat bacon this year! i just found out that bacon has Omega 6's in it- those are twice as good as omega 3's right?! they should invent more things that are delicious AND good for you.



The next few weeks are going to be full of training, and my first big race, the Rouge Roubaix, is only 21 days away. I did this 100 mile bastard of a race last year. Think Battenkill x 2, with rougher roads and shorter, steeper climbs, and then put the entire thing on in the middle of deliverance country in Louisiana and Mississippi. you get the idea. It's an insanely epic race that's laughably early in the season. It's also one of the best races I've competed in. Last year i came in 20th, including a flat tire and a pee break (i have the bladder of a 4 year old). This year, I'm racing with a vengeance. Roubaix tires have been purchased, and I have no qualms about going boom-boom or wee-wee in my bibs this time (bike shorts are pretty much just spandex diapers anyway, right?)




in order to get ready for the upcoming season, and to get out of the city, I'm flying out to Tucson, AZ to take part in our coach's training camp. i'll be out there riding for 5 days, up and down Mount Lemmon, crying and whining about how much i hate hills. hopefully this will transform my racing form from mediocre to a little better than mediocre. we're staying in a huge mansion in Tucson that Roger rented, complete with pool, hot tub, and sauna. Bonus- Apparently this house has also been used to film some movies that I've probably already seen on redtube, so you know it's got character! I'm just going to have to check the room with a blacklight before i go to sleep...



Tomorrow morning I'm celebrating president's day by making my way to Westwood Velo at the buttcrack of dawn to have a fitting session and Lactate Balance point test with Roger. Then it'll be TOC time. Just you wait and see- Big George is going to win a stage this week, and then dedicate it to me, his biggest fanboy (stalker).

photo by Ken Conley- kwc.org

Staten CX- the best DFL

It's taken a good long while, but i think i needed some time to reflect on the race.

Staten CX ripped through NYC on November 30th. Jed, myself, and John put everything into this race and it paid off. I've never been prouder to be part of something like this. This whole event speaks volumes about the New York 'Cross scene, my friends, and the people that came together to make this race the awesome new nyc tradition that it will surely become.

I'm wary of taking too much credit for putting this race on (and that's rare coming from me,) but this race happened because of my friends and the greater cycling community here. this race was everyone's baby. We had incredible sponsors, fantastic press coverage, amazing volunteers (i owe you all big time...), fantastic music, great food, a killer course, awesome photos, and great racers all come together for a good cause.



putting this race on made me realize that if you really like what you're doing, you can do great things. it doesn't feel like work. you want to do it. we did so much work for this, but it didnt feel like a chore. Weeks after the race, i'm left with a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction, and i want to do it again (and we will).

I'm going to pull a move usually reserved by hip-hop grammy winners- time for long winded thank you's (its' a long list)

Jed



jed got the idea of putting on a cross race. we've been partners in this through and through. putting this race on together also made us close friends. i'm totally pumped to put more races on with him next year.

John Cutler



the lone ranger in the full CRCA kit and (kind of) matching 14-year-old-girl rollerblade helmet, john jumped in to help the cause out of nowhere. he's was responsible for getting us a ton of sponsors, including the FREE belgian wafels (more on that later), and also getting the race course equipment to staten island.

The Sponsors

Honest Tea showed up and supplied their great beverages.



Schaller & Weber Provided sustenance in the form of amazing sausages.



Wellshire Farms accosted us with 25 lbs of delicious, dry-rubbed bacon (drool).



Thomas Degeest, owner of Wafels & Dinges, sent some waffle men over to give out free waffles.



The waffles were free thanks two two great sponsors: Visitflanders.us (thanks Elke!), and Velo Classic tours (visit belgium! ride the cobbles!). Visitflanders and Velo classic also came to the race and added some belgian culture to our race village.

Chef Matt Sigel made sure the brats and bacon were nice and hot.

Kendra dropped furious beats and put on a euro-trash techno party in between races.



Cadence sent their team of crack mechanics (complete with Fu-manchu mustachio) to make sure the bikes survived the epic course conditions. they also came with 6 BMC demo bikes, which allowed for a ton of people (like Lisa Force!) to try out cross for the first time.



thanks to their bikes, a ton of people are going to buy a bike next season and race cross!


Claudette Lajam from orthochick.net made sure the ladies were taken care of and put in for Ladies-only primes. Robert Dvorin was another great sponsor and put in for additional Food and i believe some primes.

Jan from Sportique sent me a ton of great chamois cream and embrocation to give out as prizes.



Andrew crooks from NYC Velo donated a ton of great schwag to the prize list, as did Tandems east and Toga! john's friend Gus was a huge help and brought over Myles' Step ins and barriers all the way from Southampton. Myles did us a big favor by lending us his cross course equipment- a buttload of step ins and a pair of barriers.



Friends



The best thing i took away from this race was the affirmation that i've got the best friends in the world. they all helped in so many ways- whether it was gathering Step-ins in wet 35 degree rain after the race, getting the word out about the race, bringing in bacon sponsors, etc. So, i owe a beer and one (1) lewd act to each of the following people:



Kendra- DJ extrardinaire/Trophy assistant/podium girl


Kyle Peepo- He's Prussian, you know
Evie - sandbagging step-in-gatherer
Patrick littlefield- announcer/wino
Jason Gay- bacon intermediary- also did the write up for velo news
Rich bravo, Hott sam, Beth Renaud, Tony Slokar, Jed's Parents, brian gatens- (course setup)



Austin Horse, Evan Chalfin, Bret Vaughan- HUGE. course breakdown
Heidi Reijm- registration ALL STAR.
Lindsay Paluska and corinne Karmiel- podium girls, etc
Alan Atwood- officiating and facilitating USA cycling permit stuff. also helped with course logistics
Patrick wilder- PDX transplant! helped design the course- added some PDX flava'
Josh Creem- donated a sweet cyclosportif winner's jersey (which roger aspholm now owns- obviously)
the paparazzi: Maria Q (sweet video!), Anthony Skorochod, Liam Quigley, Kevin Dillard, david Chomowicz, Claudette Lajam, Jerry Kapkow, Eloy Anzola, and Harry Zernike
Colin Prensky- sandbagger extraordinaire
Lauren Zucker- for lending me her crazy Yellow Pickup Truck
The CRCA (notably Mike Green, Ken Harris, "Evil" Matt Howard)- for backing the event- this race was as much a CRCA event as it was an NYC event!


I want to thank the racers that showed up- we had over DOUBLE the pre-reg of any race that day in the north-east- 119 pre-reg'ed and a bunch more same-day. you guys braved the elements and came out to race in perfect, miserable Belgian weather. you made the race fun and duked it out on the course. Nice job to everyone- Especially to those who tried 'cross for the first time- what a day to try it! you experienced 'cross at its best and worst: the mud, the wind, the rain, the cold, the people cheering, the food, the music, and the attitude. The whole scene is what its all about. As Barry Wicks said- anyone can put on a 'cross race. But for it to be fun, you've got to embrace the right atmosphere. We had just that on November 30th, and it was thanks to all of the people i mentioned above



and a BIG thank you to the NYC Parks department- Sarah Frazier, Sandra Fernandez, Vincent, and Laurie. the parks department was a HUGE help, and this race could not have happened without their support. their willingness to help and their level of accommodation was astounding. From the entire new york cyclocross community- THANK YOU!



As for my race, well there's not way to sugar coat it: i came in DFL in my own race! DFL! I know. apparently 2 hrs of sleep has an effect on my performance. instead of coming in 3rd to last, i came in dead last. and of course colin prensky had to win the damn thing.... Next time i'm putting that guy into the tape...



By the way, i love how different his blogging is from my own. He reports from the front of the pack, I report from the middle/back. He waxes poetic on the spirit of competition and winning, i make fart/bacon/poop jokes. i think it's awfully complimentary...

Putting this race on was a great experience through and through- i made some great contacts, new friends in the cycling scene, and i was able to spend time in a borough that i had barely visited! Staten Island is a mythical, elusive, and funny place. it was the perfect setting for our race, and hopefully will be for years to come.

As for next year, watch out. We've got big plans. cool stuff is on the way. i think you're goin to like it...

Whirlybird and DCCX- Get to zee Choppa!

photo by Anthony Skorochod

This weekend presented a bit of a Lull in terms of Big 'cross races to go to, so we decided to double up on smaller races. Whirlybird was on Saturday, and DCCX was on Sunday.

I didn't really know what to expect with Whirlybird- All i knew from the bikereg site was that that the town the race is held in is the site of where the original whirlybird took off (didn't any of you see the Pippy Longstocking movie??). That, and the race was on Bryn Athyn College's campus, and there was no alcohol aloud- dry campus. Dry campus? at a cross race? what?! I was beside myself.

Turned out that you didn't really need alcohol to have fun at this race. We got there and it was about 45 and rainy. FINALLY- perfect 'cross conditions! The course looked like fun- we couldn't see most of it, but noticed some off-cambers, and they had set up a "circle of death" just like at Wissahickon. we got there a bit late, and by the time we embrocated and got our numbers pinned on, there wasn't much time for a warm up. so we just lined up and went for it.

Doing a 'cross race without pre-riding it is alot like a rest-stop glory hole- You don't know what's on the the other side of the hole (shot)... This course was a roller coaster ride- lots of turns, off cambers, and wet stuff. Frankly, going through it at race pace without having scoped it out was a bit scary and fun at the same time- my bike went through a ton of abuse in the first lap- slamming my wheel into holes and roots that i hadn't initially noticed.... For the record, my Campy Eurus wheels have been rock solid- these wheels have become great 'cross wheels- They spin up really well, are light, and only go out of true if you crash and snap some spokes. highly recommended.



There has also been a good bit of friendly competition amongst the NYCXers. Kyle, Myself, Ethan, Jed, and Tony, are out to best one another in the world of barriers, mud and off cambers. I think crossresults.net has made if even more concrete as it keeps score. Colin Doesn't count as he's in bagger of sand category, and frankly, me beating him in a cross race is a hilarious prospect, even though he's only done 5 (and won 2).

Going into lap 2, Colin was ahead, bagging sand or whatever it is you do when you're at the front of a race (I wouldn't know). He was followed by Jed, myself, Ethan, and Peepo. Ethan and I were battling it out in the first two laps. but Ethan has been trying out a new riding style called "falling down"- i don't know if he read too many Chris Charmichael articles or something, but hey- whatever works for him. at one point he gets in front of me and decides its the perfect time to make out with the lawn. sorry dude! the "HaHa!" sound effect from the bully on the Simpsons. and now its time for karma to kick in!



As i approach this wet downhill switchback before the barriers, i slide out. i hear a loud CRUNCH.

did i break my arm? mmmm nope. i keep going- i shoulder the bike and go over the barriers- as i get ready to jump back on, i realized what had happened- another set of broken carbon bars!



Su-weet.

I feel like the folks at cadence would give me more shit about this if it didn't mean i kept going over there and spending money. So far this season I've trashed two pairs of carbon bars, two sets of brakes, and one campy shifter... God, I'm like the ideal customer! every time I call cadence, Mark Purdy picks up and says "what did you break now?"



Taking a break from talking about myself for 2 minutes, Big props to Colin for ripping everyone's legs off and winning the B race, and big ups to Jed for snagging 6th place. That sixth place finish was a big one for Jed, and he was so overwhelmed with joy that he tried to hug his bicycle:

photo by Anthony Skorochod

He's a sweet kid.

The race promoters also had a small Helicopter brought it to do fly-by's of the race while it was going on. the helicopter was maybe 10-15 feet above the racers- i'm sure it made a couple of people poop themselves. all i could think of was "Get to zee Choppa!"



As i had to race in DC the next day, I drove to cadence in Philly and had the bars replaced with some great Aluminum 3T bars- shallow drops, traditional bend. i really like them so far. If i snap these I'm going to use a solid steel pipe as my next handlebars.

After putting on my 3rd set of handlebars this season, I headed over to DC with Caroline and Union Steve. The venue for the race was a huge, beautiful Veteran's Retirement property- There was a ton of space, and the organizers definitely made good use of it. The weather had done a complete 180 from the prior day at Whirlybird- sunny and 70 degrees. It was going to be another beautiful, dry, painful course

This had to be one of the longest cross courses i'd seen yet. At over 3.8 km, the laps were going to drag on. The race organizer did a pretty good job of mixing up the course- there was a good amount of variable elevation and terrain- long, slightly uphill stretches (My speciality!) tight, swoopy turns, short, rideable steep sections, 2 sets of barriers (one natural, one man made), and a few off-cambers. that being said, the course wasn't too technical, and the barriers were the only parts of the course that required a dismount.

photo by John Cutler

As per usual, I was met with a crappy starting position at staging. something like 10 rows back. I'm really starting to resent call ups that are done by pre-reg order. Union Steve and I weren't too Happy...



It was Great racing with Steve and Caroline this weekend- Both of them are going through their first season of 'Cross and loving it. I love having cool, new people get in on the 'cross scene, and its great to have more friends at the races with you, racing, ringing cowbells, drinking beer, wearing spandex, and pinning each other (sometimes all at once)



Much like every cross race, this race was just plain hard. I was riding the pain train from start to finish, trying to pick people off one by one. I somehow managed to get through the ENTIRE race without crashing once! I was so proud of myself! I had actually purchased an extra set of handlebars at Cadence just in case!

As i got to the last lap, i had a guy on my wheel- we approached the finish line together, and like a good bunch of cat 4's , sprinted for 38th place. I think i took him at the line... take that, 39th place loser! ha.

while it's lame to sprint for 40th in a cat 4 road race, it's expected in a 'cross race. people cheer and scream for you to do it. I guess it's more in line with the idea that in cross you're going all out the entire time, till the very end. If you're pack fodder and there's no chance you'll win the race, you don't stop trying. Everyone in that race is going as hard as they can, whether they can win it or not. I think there's somethign to be said about that. Some might call it an exercise in futility, but then again, isn't all bike racing?


I would also like to take this opportunity to let you all know that I have broken my Bacon fast. "How could this be?" you ask? Well, i justify it in the following ways

1) bacon is too delicious not to eat
2) like, really delicious
3) My finishing time in the "B" Race on sunday was faster than the winner of the "C" race. therefore, by proxy, I WIN!

In case you're wondering, I broke the bacon fast with Bacon wrapped dates that were stuffed with Blue Cheese. I could tell you how delicous it was, but every time i think of bacon i get a Lardon.